Biggest Mistake Ever!
I try to not be so hard on myself about the decisions I made as a teenager, but as the saying goes, “when you know better, you do better.” What I didn’t know then, I certainly do now. I know now that I didn’t handle my adolescent idiopathic scoliosis (AIS) diagnosis properly. Had I done things a bit differently when I was eleven, or even thirteen, perhaps my journey would have been… different.
But, I didn’t know any better then. I did what any child who was just told they had a unique condition – one that their friends did not have – would do. I kept it to myself.
Saying it that way is so polite and politically correct. The authentic explanation is that I worked to hide my scoliosis diagnosis from everyone in my life and went to great lengths to do so. I changed the way I dressed, the way I posed in pictures, stopped walking in front of the group when I was with friends, didn’t share how I was really feeling, and I didn’t wear my brace for 23 hours each day, as suggested by my doctor, out of fear that someone at school would touch me or bump into me and feel it, then ask about it. I did everything I could to keep it a secret.
So, what’s wrong with not telling anyone? Everything.
I’ll explain.
By keeping it secret, it required a lot more from me than just not talking about it.
Not talking about it was the first dig into a hole that slowly became deeper and deeper.
I wasn’t just hiding the fact that I had scoliosis. I was hiding.
I understand this now.
Any mental health professional can tell you that hiding is not healthy or productive behavior for anyone, in any circumstance. For me, hiding concealed negative feelings, like not feeling good enough. It covered up the fact that I felt embarrassed about my curve. Hiding meant that I feared others’ opinions. It meant that I had trust issues because I clearly didn’t trust anyone with this personal information. Hiding also meant that I could ignore that I had scoliosis and that I wouldn’t have to answer any questions or talk about it.
None of that was positive or helpful for my journey.
Because I didn’t tell anyone, no one knew
Even though the reasons I’ve stated are pretty serious and can lead to other issues, none of those reasons are why not telling anyone about my diagnosis was my biggest mistake ever.
Because I didn’t tell anyone, that meant no one knew. It actually robbed me of the opportunity to allow others to support my journey.
For each of us to thrive and be well, physically, mentally, and emotionally, we need a support system. A support system can be family, a close circle of friends, others who have AIS (you are never the only one), or even a professional (guidance counselor, therapist, or a coach).
Because of a decision I made at eleven years old, I didn’t have the support system around me that I truly needed. That made navigating this journey ten times more difficult.
If you have been diagnosed with AIS, it’s okay to talk about it. Your true friends will care and will still be there for you.
Give your loved ones an opportunity to support you. Having the right support system is crucial to your development and self-efficacy, and will make a huge difference in your plight. Navigating life with scoliosis, mild or severe, is a challenge. Allow others to be there for you. Don’t make the mistake of not talking about your scoliosis journey.
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